

Chapter 3


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Growing up it all seems so one-sided
Opinions all provided
The future pre-decided
Detached and subdivided
In the mass production zone
Nowhere is the dreamer or the misfit so alone

In the high school halls
In the shopping malls
Conform or be cast out

In the basement bars
In the backs of cars
Be cool or be cast out
Any escape might help to smooth the unattractive truth
But the suburbs have no charms to soothe the restless dreams of 
youth

-RUSH


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I think I was destined to do physical labor from the moment I 
learned to walk, my parents engaged in a constant struggle over 
this issue.

It all started when I would try to help my dad push the 
lawnmower around the yard when only a toddler, pretty soon 
that would come back to haunt me. At about the age of eleven I 
was out pushing that crappy lawn mower around the freaking 
yard. I swear every rusty wheel fought me every inch of the 
way, I cursed the grass and that stinky lawnmower, but it was 
good therapy as I felt like I was exercising every personal 
demon I had as I chopped/hacked/butchered those little blades 
of grass. I think I even got an evil grin on my face as I watched 
those little blades of grass fly out the side of that joke of a 
lawnmower.

One time I set the blade so low that it damn near got cut down 
to the dirt, you should have seen my dad running out of the 
house, yelling, boy was he pissed! I just shrugged and waived 
my arms out to my side playing dumb;

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You know what!" he snapped. 

But no matter how much I abused that lawn, that grass kept 
growing.

This was also about the time when guys started to notice me, 
you see I was taller and more developed then most of my 
friends so older guys in the neighborhood driving by would stop 
to talk to me. That is until I told them my age, and if that 
wasn't a deterrent, well my Dad would step out onto the front 
porch. Not to mention that it freaked me out a little, I'm used 
to the boy down the street wheeling up on his bicycle, not some 
guy pulling up in a car who is a whole school ahead of me!

And do you guys get jealous and I'm not even your girlfriend, 
as soon as one guy would leave the next would be like 'Who 
was that? What did he want?'..........He wanted to help me cut 
the grass...Duh!! What do you think! 

Rolling-up to talk to me while I'm cutting the grass annoys the 
heck out of me, why? Because I'm cutting the grass, I'm busy!' I 
smell like grass, gasoline and I'm all sweaty and yucky. But 
they would just pull their car up to the curb and get out; "Hey 
Corbin, what's up? Haven't talked to you in a long time! You've 
really grown up!" There eyes all big and gawking.

'What's up? I'll tell you what's up, I'm cutting the grass 
MORON!' 

That is what I would think while I just smiled to there chit-chat 
about their car....movies, school, or whatever. The other 
problem is that if I stopped that piece of junk lawnmower it 
took like fifteen pulls to get it going again. My dad just smiled 
at me while I mumbled my complaints. My mother was 
infuriated grabbing my hands and telling my Dad to "look!" at 
what cutting the grass is doing to my fingernails. She would 
spend half the night undoing the damage cutting the grass was 
doing to my hands.

But I was like clock work, every Saturday morning you would 
find me cutting the grass and the guys figured that out really 
quick. I never was able to finish cutting that yard from start to 
finish without someone pulling up to chat.

Can't I just cut the grass in peace?


**********


Sometimes I space-out forgetting who and where I am, a side 
effect of being blonde. Not sure why I just shared that.

The next day would prove to be anything but easy as I glanced 
over and caught site of Sharon walking by, my heart just about 
leapt out of my chest as my hand came up with a wave. But I 
could feel my friends watching me, judging my every move and 
it felt sickening to cave in to that pressure. Sharon's smile 
slowly faded as I just went back to chatting with my friends, 
like she wasn't even there, and to top if off a couple of the girls 
in my group shot Sharon some ugly looks. I glanced over and 
watched Sharon turn away, making a detour down another 
hallway to her next Class. I had to fight the urge to chase after 
her and apologize.

"Did that girl just wave at you?" Jenn asked looking over at me 
with an expression of shock.

"God, I hear she's a real bitch." Vera chimed in. I painfully 
twitched with every cutting remark and my hands clutched my 
books closely to my chest in shame for not walking up and 
talking to Sharon, for being so fucking weak. 'Shit' I thought to 
myself, hoping they wouldn't ask anymore questions.

Almost purposefully Sharon and I avoided one another over the 
next couple of days as if we suddenly didn't know how to 
navigate past all the bullshit 'our so-called friends' were 
throwing our way. By the start of Thursday I guess we both 
were resigned to the fact that School 'cliques' did in fact rule 
and I wasn't going to risk ridicule to talk with or be her friend 
and/or vice-versa.?
But fate was determined to bring us together before that 
dreadful day was over with. 

I almost stumbled down the track while running laps when I 
spotted her. Sharon had just finished her Cheerleading practice, 
but was lingering around on the field glancing over my way. 
We exchanged a few awkward glances until finally I steered 
myself towards her direction, I noticed that Sharon had begun 
to nervously fidget and squatted down to untie and tie her 
shoelaces, trying to look busy. It made me smile a little to see 
she appeared just as nervous as me.

"You want some company?" I finally asked, nervously running 
my hands thru my sweat soaked hair.

"Sure if you like." Sharon simply said and she appeared to try 
and act nonchalant about the whole thing. Slowly I sat down 
on the grass opposite her and stretched out my legs, it felt good 
and I started to massage a tender muscle in my right thigh. I 
actually caught Sharon watching as my fingers kneed my sore 
muscles, she would quickly glance away and try and play it off. 
I don't know why but I just smiled at that, I think it was just 
innocent admiration of my legs I guess, I was naive then....still 
am I guess.

"You really are in great shape." Sharon said looking over at my 
legs again and shaking her head in amazement.

"Oh, thank you." I shrugged, "Well, your no slouch yourself." 
I smiled back hoping the frigid attitude was breaking apart.

"Aren't you afraid you going to be seen talking to me?" Sharon 
decided to jump right into the issue that hurt her the most, and 
looked back down at the laces of her shoes. 

It caught me a little off guard and took a deep breath, "I don't 
care about that, well, at least not anymore and I'm sorry for 
being such a wimp that day when you said 'hello'." I stopped 
working my muscles and frantically plucked several blades of 
grass around my outstretched legs while staring back down. 
And then something happened that further caused my mind to 
spin out of control, Sharon had pulled her left knee up to her 
chest, flashing me with her dark blue bikini briefs from under 
her Cheer skirt. I just gulped and caught myself staring, but 
looked away in shame. But let me be honest here, I was looking 
at her briefs! Oh Lord help me, this is not appropriate! I'm 
getting sexually confused again!

I spastically snapped out of my gazing and looked up, Sharon 
was just sitting there meeting my gaze head-on and we locked 
eyes with one another for what felt like the first time in a long 
while. I seemed lost in thought and gently shrugged my broad 
shoulders before looking down again, I was getting emotional 
for some reason and couldn't look her in the eyes.

"What is it? Tell me." Sharon pleaded.

"Well, it's just...." It just kept coming, the sadness, 
overwhelming me and I couldn't finish my sentence so I 
quickly looked away again. Sharon, bless her, simply watched 
compassionately as I struggled to speak, 'Out with it already!' 
my subconscious yelled. "....I think we should give it another 
chance, you know, if you still want to be friends. I think we 
could be really good friends." Damn it, that did me in, my voice 
cracked as I moved my right hand up to wipe some tears from 
under my eyes, I tried to mask the effort as if I was wiping 
sweat from face, but I think it was obvious. "Damn it's hot out 
here." I mumbled a lame attempt at trying to disguise my 
emotions. This was not like me at all, feeling so emotionally 
vulnerable, and why now? Why with Sharon? I don't want to 
psycho analyze this now so I leaned back, my right hand 
pressing into the grass to brace myself. 

I suddenly felt something that blew me away. Sharon had taken 
the opportunity, and initiative, to lean in and discreetly touch 
my right hand with her left. It was the best feeling I could ever 
recall, my normally guarded composure slipped some more 
when I saw the tears running down Sharon's cheeks. I 
cautiously opened my fingers and I felt her move, my nerves 
tingled as her fingers began to intertwine with mine. We both 
were trying to be discrete, but why? Nobody was paying 
particular attention to us, but then again, in this place the 
windows have eyes. 

"Corbin, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, I'd 
like that, more then anything in the world." Sharon's look was 
so emotional, almost a look of relief had washed over her 
whole body, she kept smiling even as her free hand wiped the 
tears from her cheeks. "Please don't be so hard on yourself, a 
lot of the crap you've been hearing and dealing with is my own 
doing." Sharon's big blue eyes stayed emotional as her lips even 
betrayed a tremble.

Sharon was the first true girlfriend I had ever had, so there I 
was at seventeen and I finally found a friend that I could share 
everything with, and she felt the same about me. You see, I just 
assumed Sharon had any number of friends that she felt closely 
bonded to, but that was not the case at all. She wasn't sure who 
she could trust anymore. Funny that it took two strangers, who 
only slightly knew of each other for years to one day come 
together and be instant best friends.

Well the bell suddenly rang for last class and our hands slowly 
withdrew from one another as the activity of voices and class 
doors opening up drew us out of our private moment.

"Uh oh," Sharon smiled and looked over at the building, then 
back to me, "You sure you want to be seen walking with me 
back to the gym." She said with a teasing, flirtatious look. 

I shook my head with a faint smile "I think I can handle it."


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